


she lost him (but she found herself)

by lovelybluemoon



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Dylan is mentioned once or twice, F/M, Lauki is just staring into each other’s eyes a lot, Lauren remembers things, Song: Out of the Woods (Taylor Swift), Songfic, idk what to tell you all, kind of angst and kind of spice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25886245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelybluemoon/pseuds/lovelybluemoon
Summary: Lauren and Kieran were La Lune.They didn’t realize how big or little of a difference they were making, yet.They didn’t have the time to realize the changes.They were always caught up in the moment, suspended in the feeling of soaring through the night sky, chasing shadows.But paper airplanes don’t fly forever.
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	she lost him (but she found herself)

**Author's Note:**

> Another Taylor Swift songfic for y’all... and I have absolutely no idea what genre this is in ;-;  
> It’s like,, tentative spice/angst?? My indecisiveness has dubbed it to be in a whole other unnamed genre
> 
> Read while listening to [Out of the Woods](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLf9q36UsBk) by [Taylor Swift](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqECaJ8Gagnn7YCbPEzWH6g)  
> 

_Looking at it now_

_It all seems so simple_

_*_

Lauren sighed. She and Kieran had made more progress in the time they’d been working together, than in her last ten years of fruitless investigations. 

But it hadn’t been that easy. 

They’d barely managed to hold their teamwork together through the name of La Lune. It was the bridge upon which their deal was built, and the siren that lured them deep into dangerous waters. 

She recalled simpler times, of silver and gold. Playing, laughing, and simply _living,_ without the shadow of the Phantom Scythe tainting their light. 

_*_

_We were lying on your couch_

_I remember_

_*_

Sitting at her desk in Kieran’s cave, she pushed her work aside and turned to watch her partner. 

His back was turned to her as he observed their board, casually twirling a knife in his gloved fingers. The very blade that had once been pointed at her was now poised to keep her safe. It was amusing how the sight of his weapons had become so familiar. 

Lauren let go, and the memories swept her away. 

_*_

_You took a Polaroid of us_

_Then discovered_

_*_

Time seemed to slow down. Then it paused. 

Moonlight cast down upon the two of them as the spotlight would find its stars. 

She had his sword to her neck, her emotions briefly stripped of their mask. 

He had her life in his hands. The silver haze dancing along his blade coaxed him to push it further, cutting through her, ending her life. 

But he hesitated. 

And in that moment, they were a picture, their meeting captured and preserved for years to come. 

_*_

_The rest of the world was black and white_

_But we were in screaming_ _color_

_*_

They don’t know _anything._

Lauren’s thoughts filled with a cacophony of rage and frustration as Harvey Wood’s coffin rested in the snow. 

Everyone around her was clueless. Everyone except her and Kieran. 

They held the secrets, they knew things no one else did. 

The sun sees everything. But the moon sees more. 

_*_

_And I remember thinking_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_Are we out of the woods?_

_*_

They were trapped. In a forest so thick, the only paths they could take were the ones laid out in front of them. They were unable to step off the worn trail and into the untamed parts of the woods. 

The roads behind them were slowly being swallowed up. 

They couldn’t go back. They could never go back. 

So they continued on together. 

_*_

_Looking at it now_

_Last December_

_*_

She remembered her last happy Christmas. Her entire family had sat around the table to eat dinner together. They had sung carols at the piano and danced in front of the fireplace. She and Dylan had begged to open their presents early. 

That had been the last Christmas with all her loved ones present, when everyone had been happy. 

_*_

_We were built to fall apart_

_Then fall back together_

_*_

A few times, she’d thought about killing herself. 

She had gone as far as a knife to her wrist, a rope around her neck, her own gun to her heart. 

But she had never taken the final step. 

She was still alive, fuelled by guilt under the guise of love and justice. 

And no matter how hard she broke herself, she would always eventually become whole, albeit with one missing piece. All over again. 

_*_

_Your necklace hanging from my neck_

_The night we couldn’t quite forget_

_*_

No, they could never forget that night. 

The night with darkness and lashing rain, broken bonds, spilled secrets. The hidden things that they hadn’t shared with anyone. Not even each other. 

Her shouts that had strained her voice, his unsettling calm which had finally broken. 

His hands had wrapped around her throat like a gruesome necklace of interlaced fingers, tightening. A living noose. 

She couldn’t breathe. 

Her blood had roared in her ears, but his angered cry had rose above it. 

_I am a monster._

**_And I have always been like this._ **

No, they could never forget that night. 

_*_

_We decided_

_To move the furniture so we could dance_

_*_

The soles of their shoes sang a rhythm that melded with the music, as they danced in the cave, countless nights after. 

Their movements matched the other’s, all the steps falling perfectly into place. If only everything else could be as easy. 

Kieran twirled her across the circle where they had sparred lifetimes ago, leading her in a different dance this time. 

Caution and distance suddenly melted into an intimate familiarity as they moved together. 

Their eyes locked, and never left the depths. 

_*_

_Baby like we stood a chance_

_Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying_

_*_

Lauren and Kieran were La Lune. 

They didn’t realize how big or little of a difference they were making, yet. 

They didn’t have the time to realize the changes. 

They were always caught up in the moment, suspended in the feeling of soaring through the night sky, chasing shadows. 

But paper airplanes don’t fly forever. 

* 

_Remember when you hit the brakes too soon?_

_Twenty stitches in the hospital room_

_*_

She remembered the time shortly after the night in the cave. 

When he had waltzed into her precinct on orders that effectively split the moon in two. The broken halves of their precarious alliance that he’d begun and ended. 

It had hurt more than when he’d given her stitches. The consequences of underestimating the pain had been shockingly overwhelming. Seeing her blood on his hands had made her heart twist in a strange way. 

But she would never admit it. 

* 

_When you started crying, baby I did too_

_When the sun came up, I was looking at you_

_*_

They had another moment frozen in time. 

It was the morning after he had taken care of her, when he stood in the sunlight and she in the shadows. The two of them simply regarded each other, some unspeakable energy weaving between them. 

Once again turquoise and amber bled together. 

* 

_Remember when we couldn’t take the heat?_

_I walked out I said ‘I’m setting you free’_

_*_

There had been a time when she’d almost given up, and she had never given up in her life thus far. 

It was exactly one year after Dylan’s disappearance. The lack of progress had upset her and frustrated her. 

She should have just let go. Then she would’ve been able to free herself from the weight of the guilt crushing her broken wings. 

Still, she let herself be dragged back down. 

* 

_But monsters turned out to be just trees_

_When the sun came up you were looking at me_

_You were looking at me_

_*_

They were still in the forest. The path behind them had begun to crumble at the edges as tree roots slowly dug away at it. But now there was a gap in the thicket. They could escape. 

Lauren hurried towards the opening, however, when she looked back at Kieran, twisted branches had snaked around his limbs. They were digging into his skin, reminding her painfully of the way his fingers had grasped her neck. 

She hesitated, weighing her choices. If she wished, she could leave alone. Forget everything and start over somewhere new. 

She chose to stay. 

_*_

_I remember_

_Oh, I remember_

_*_

Suddenly, she was back in the cave. Back in the present. 

Lauren looked up to see Kieran, his eyes holding hers in an expectant gaze. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

She considered the question. 

“Kieran?” It was barely a whisper, but he heard it. 

“Yes, _mon amour?”_

_“Are we out of the woods?”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!!  
> The title of this fic is a direct reference to the words in the Out of the Woods music video: She lost him. She lost him, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything.  
> Considering that fact, I think this could have also made an excellent fic about Lauren and Dylan, but you know.. I am forever a Lauki stan XD 
> 
> Thank you to [dorocak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorocak/pseuds/dorocak) for beta-reading this fic! (And may I just say, I loved your brain goblin they are adorable XD)
> 
> I forgot to officially mention, if anyone would like to recommend songs x ph pairings for me to write oneshots of, I will gladly do my best to write them ;) Anyone who recommends will get a dt, although you will probably also end up beta-reading it (I jest, if you don’t want to BR on top of the recommendation, I can ask someone else, no worries)  
> If you want to personally request/discuss a songfic, my insta (@lovelydramaqueen1808) and discord (@lovelydramaqueen#6645) dms are open ;D
> 
> And as per usual, thank you everyone for reading!!  
> -Love, June


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